L's Secret
by Revolutionary Tears
Summary: L has a secret and Light Yagami has every intention of getting to the bottom of it.
1. Mission Statement

Ryuzaki is a man shrouded in secrets. There will always be a secret, always be a thing that you won't know about him no matter how close you are to him. It doesn't matter if you're a close friend, a trusted colleague, a lover, a family member, or even his mother - he won't tell you shit about himself. His name, for instance. But, for once, that wasn't the real secret that was bugging me. Strange, right? No, it was the fact that I always saw him leave the security room every day at around 2 pm and wouldn't see him again until 4 pm. I would ask him what he was doing but he would never answer me, just offer me whatever sweet was available at the time.

This had began after he had said that I was allowed to not be handcuffed to him any longer and I got my memories back. Now I was on a mission to rid of L. But first, I would find out where the hell he would go and what he would be doing.

What was even more curious about this was the fact that I would watch him leave on the cameras and then the cameras would never show where he went. They would blur out, materialize into darkness, and then generate again with Ryuzaki no where in sight. Did he leave the building maybe? No because he would always come back from the stairs, as if he had went upstairs and had stayed there for two hours.

I'm going to find out what he's doing and I'm going to record it in this non-suspect journal. If there is more on the case, I'll let you know.

-Light


	2. DAY 1

**DAY ONE OF INVESTIGATING**

I heard him talking to Watari earlier today about replacing the filters and sharpening the knives. Could this be related to what he does from 2-4 pm? I'm not going to attempt to tail him just yet since I'm still gathering evidence. Rest assured, I will be taking such drastic measures soon. For now, what could filters and knives have to do with his disappearance? Is he secretly running a high-tech, very popular restaurant? Is he running a cooking show? Does he just cook for fun? That's the only thing I can imagine knives and filters coinciding with. Or maybe this is a completely unrelated comment.

I was also talking Watari casually and trying to get something out of him but to no luck. I wasn't being too obvious, though, so I don't have to worry about Watari telling L of this. This is the conversation as follows:

Me: So, Watari, how are you?  
>Watari: I am fine...how are you? Would you like some tea?<br>Me: No thank you.  
>Watari:...<br>Me: So...  
>Watari:...<br>Me:...  
>Watari:...<br>Me:...  
>Watari:...<br>Me: Okay thank you for your cooperation. Bye!

Nailed it!

Anyway, I'm sure soon I'll get some more information. Until then, the investigation is ongoing at a slow and steady pace.

-Your one, your only, Light.


	3. DAY 2

**DAY TWO OF INVESTIGATING**

I watched L for a whole five hours yesterday, only watching what he did after he came back. He seemed his usual weirdo self, eating cake and staring at monitors tiredly. He looked at me and asked why I was staring at him. This is the conversation that followed:

L: Light, why are you staring at me? Is it because I'm eating cake?  
>Me: Ryuzaki, I've told you before that you eating cake doesn't bother me.<br>L: Seriously, there's no need to be jealous, you can have some of my cake.  
>Me: Why won't you tell me what you do everyday from 2-4 pm?<br>L: ...Here you can have the rest of this piece.

"No real information on the front right now but I did end up having a delicious piece of cake. I don't know if Watari makes these himself but if he does then that man can seriously cook. Like wow. If I had a mansion and I were rich and shit (like I will be when I become God Of The New World) then I would definitely not think twice about hiring him. I would ask him to cook for me all day. I wonder if he has any recipes for making homemade BQ potato chips? I bet if he would make them then they would taste delicious. Since I'm not that big of a sweets fan, he would have to make only the

Wait a minute this is part of L's plan. He's trying to distract me.

Damn he's good.  
>More information to come.<p>

-Light;)

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: btw if this isn't clear before this kind of turned out to be a parody. <strong>


	4. DAY 3

**DAY THREE OF INVESTIGATING**

I started to ask around to see if anyone else knew what he was doing. No one gave me anything of any use except for Matsuda (for once) who said that Ryuzaki would probably ask Watari to wipe the footage for that time but the footage might be backed up somewhere. Since he wants to know, too, he said that he'd consider helping me try and find out what he does. I politely rejected since Matsuda isn't good for shit. Except for this one time when he told me that. I can't believe _I_ didn't think of that. After all I am the handsomest, kindest, most amazing, smartest soon-to-be-God this world has ever known.

Our mission begins tomorrow at 1:30 pm. I will find a way to sneak into Watari's office, distract him, and then find out what L does between 2-4 pm.

Just imagining what he does gets me excited. Maybe he's building a rocket, or seeing a girl, or taming goats, or doing something that could reveal his name and inevitable help me destroy him so that way I can become the God of the perfect world that I see fit.

I mean like I'm his best friend he should tell me this shit.

I will record my findings tomorrow.

-The one, the only, the incomparable, the sexiest God of all - Light!


	5. DAY 4

Dear readers,

I am sorry for my absence but it was with good reason. So I found out L's secret through tailing him (matsuda's plan failed when I realized that there was no way that I was going to distract Watari easily enough by myself.) I followed him to a room in a secluded hallway that wasn't really used for anything. I stood outside the door and listened to him shuffling around for about five minutes. After that I started hearing music and recognized it as PONPONPON since Misa listens to crap like that.

I tried to open the door as quietly as I could to see what was going on inside. What I saw, dear readers, was L in a dress dancing like an anime girl to PONPONPON.

I felt sick to my stomach. I still feel sick recollecting it.

L heard me, however, and had to pull me inside and threaten me to keep it a secret.

Well I guess writing about it here isn't necessarily keeping it secret but oh well. I fear for my life. I keep hearing that awful song and seeing those awful dance moves...he's the kind of scum I need to rid the world of.

-A highly disturbed Light Yagami


End file.
